Saying ‘no’ doesn’t have to be that hard

There was a time when saying ‘no’ to volunteer opportunities, activities, events, and personal commitments would make me feel guilty. I let others fill up my time and before I knew it, I didn’t know if I was coming or going (not to mention I was exhausted).

As my free time became less and less, I knew I needed to prioritize how I spent that time. Today, I am much better at saying no without feeling guilty.

If you find yourself in the same (or similar) situation, here are a few guidelines to help you say no.

Determine your values and let them guide your decisions – Give some thought to what’s important to you, and how you want to spend your free time. If you are asked to support projects, activities or are invited to an outing that doesn’t align with your values, say no. Commit to things that support your values.

Don’t say yes immediately – Ask for some time to think about the opportunity before saying yes. As you evaluate it, think about how much of your time you will need to invest taking into consideration other commitments such as work and family. If the opportunity doesn’t align with your values, it’s okay to say no immediately.

Don’t over apologize or give a list of explanations – Politely say no, apologize once and leave it at that. Also, don’t feel like you have to provide a list of explanations. A simple statement is more powerful than waffling. “I’m sorry I can’t volunteer to be part of the committee. I am working a lot of long hours.”

Define the number of opportunities you can support – No one knows better than you what’s best for you and your family. Decide how many opportunities you can support and stick with it. Make sure they align with your values and really evaluate how much of a time commitment the opportunity will be.

Nothing is worse than agreeing to a commitment only to ask yourself later, “why did I agree to do this?” With a little up front planning to determine your values, you’ll never be guilted into doing something you don’t want to do.

What are your strategies for saying no?

Is your morning routine exhausting for your family?

Morning routines at our house use to be quite dreadful. We’ve come a long way from mornings where tears and chaos were the norm. Over the years, we’ve learned from other parents and sometimes by trial and error ways to make our mornings less stressful and exhausting.

With a little planning, you can reduce the number of temper tantrums, arguments and “I left my homework on the kitchen table” situations, and hopefully arrive at work a little less stressed.

Below are some things that work for my family. Real Simple offers a few more ideas on managing morning routines.

Pack all the essentials the night before (lunches, homework, snow clothes, work bags, etc.). If you’re not staying home the next day, pack everything you need for the next day the night before. Have the kids help make their lunches (even if it’s just packing their snacks and beverages), determine what the kids will need for school – gym shoes, snow clothes, homework – and have them put it in their bag. The same goes for parents.

Pick out clothes the night before. Check the weather forecast for the next day, tell your kids what’s appropriate for them to wear based on the weather and school activities. This will help eliminate discussions in the morning about what your kids can and cannot wear. This is a great tip for parents too.

Wake the kids up early with a morning ritual. Our girls do not like to get out of bed in the morning. To compensate for the 30 minutes it took them to get up, we started waking them up 30 minutes earlier, adjusting their bedtime accordingly. During this time, they can do whatever they want, but they know that at 6:30 a.m. it’s time to get moving. I wake them up by turning on their lamps, opening their blinds (when the sun is out), and we give them a glass of milk (my girls LOVE milk) and their vitamins. We recently started listening to their favorite songs while they get ready. It’s a great motivator for them and puts them in a better mood.

One final check. Before my oldest daughter and I head out the door, we run down the list of all the things she and I need for the day. I wish I would have started doing this sooner; it would have saved me several trips back home because she forgot her homework on the kitchen table!

What works for your family? How do you manage your morning routine?